Deleted Lines From My Latest Upcoming Play

Deleted for time, not quality:

"Read my lips: the monkey stays"

"I think we all know what's responsible for school shootings: the rising popularity of observational comedy!"

"Paper, rocks, scissors, herpes"

"'You are struggling with addiction and I'm here to help'
'Leave me alone, Eddie Murphy!'"

"So this is where the blender was invented!"

"That's not a cyst.  It's my mother-in-law."

"Great necktie!  And I'm not saying that just because you're dying."

"If you watch Back to the Future on mute and play the soundtrack to Back to the Future simultaneously, whoa, baby!"

"Hmmm, I don't like the look of that panda."

"Don't-a make-a Luigi come uppa there."

"Sure he was a homicidal maniac.  But he was also my distant cousin twice-removed."

"I will reject your offer of a million dollars and an evening of passionate sex and instead go for the mystery box."

"Take off those Spock ears!  This is a business meeting!"

"Yep, there was no doubt about it.  Darryl was the biggest scumbag on the playground."

"All I need is one thin dime.  And then it's ka-blammo for Idaho."

Keep reading for further updates on my play, Dracula vs. Sandy Koufax